What a veto would mean

Well, it's been eight weeks since Disclosure Day, so if the Ministry's estimate of 6-8 weeks is to be believed, I should be getting a response to my Post-Adoption Birth Information application any day now.

Now that the day is close, I'm once again thinking seriously about what I'll get and guarding myself against disappointment. As crazy a rationalization as it may seem, even a veto would mean I know something more about my birth parents than I do now.

Would they file one? I have only the Non-ID as grounds for speculation:

• On the "pro-veto" side: well, they haven't made any serious attempt to find me since I turned 18. I also know they neither of them had told their parents about the pregnancy, so odds are I'm still their deep dark secret.
  
  
• On the other hand, my birth mother allegedly wanted lots of info about my placement, and my birth father was around for the whole thing and was "interested in my future". Could all this just be Children's Aid propaganda? Maybe, but I'm going to take it at face value until I have reason to doubt. Finally and most importantly, choosing not to actively seek for someone is not the same as wanting not to be found.

Whatever the case, I have to steel myself for the possibility that when the envelope arrives it will have nothing in it but a but a form letter shoot-down. What would I do then?

It depends. Obviously if both birthparents are listed on my birth certificate, and only one issued a veto, I'll try to find the other one.

Based on what I've heard about birth fathers and original birth certificates, it sounds very likely that my birth father wasn't named on my birth registration: this also means he wasn't entitled to file a veto. In that case, there's nothing to stop me from searching for him still.

The last, and worst, case is that both birthparents issued vetoes. I really don't know what I'd do in this case, and as much as I try I can't really prepare myself for it. It's one thing not to get your hopes up; it's quite another to convince yourself of the worst outcome.

I might well go off, despondent, and try to forget all this. But I really, really doubt it. More likely I'd quietly search while stopping short of contact and seek confirmation with whichever means I can find. I may approach more distant relatives. This whole project isn't about a relationship or a need for surrogate parents; it's about me finding my connection to the rest of Homo sapiens.